How Do I Look?
by snape'smistress-in-law
Summary: ON HIATUS. Sirius is good and Snape is bad is, was, and always will be. Or at least until a Potions accident decides to change that.
1. Prologue

**How do I Look?**

**Prologue**

"Eww, look at our schedule this morning!" Sirius said. "Double Divination then Potions."

"True," Remus said. "But we have Double Charms and Transfiguration this afternoon."

"Always have to be an optimist, don't you Moony?"

"It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.'

James laughed. 'C'mon let's got to Divination."

Sirius sighed dramatically as he and the rest of the Marauders trooped of to Divination. When they reached the north Tower classroom they found they were the only ones there besides Professor Cambridge. "Good morning, dears," she said.

"Morning, Professor," Remus said politely as the four boys sat at one of the tables. Sirius fell asleep before the rest of the class arrived, and Peter soon followed his example. Remus and James wrote notes to each other on a piece of parchment as professor Cambridge droned on about planetary positions.

"_I think they need more sleep," _Remus wrote.

"_Nah, anyone could fall asleep in this class. Even a bear after hibernation," _James wrote.

"_You're not sleeping."_

"_I'm special."_

"_I see. But I'm not sleeping either."_

"_Yeah, well you're weird."_

'_Of course."_

"_Well why else wouldn't you be sleeping?"_

"_Maybe I'm special too?"_

"_That was funny Moony."_

"_Oh, incredibly."_

"_Well you are special, with your furry little problem and all."_

"_And that's how I'd really like to be known in this world for."_

"_Well, there's always your complete geekiness."_

"_I don't think geekiness is a word."_

'_It's the only thing that can possibly describe you, Moony.'_

"_I'm sure."_

Seventeen games of hangman later the class was over. James reached over and shook his friend. "C'mon Padfoot, Wormtail, time to wake up."

"Mmm, is it morning already?"

"Oh, hurrah, potions time!" Sirius said sarcastically.

"Hey, things could be worse."

"Oh, how so Moony?"

"You could have to go to Potions and look like Snape," James said.

"That's absolutely true, Prongs!"

"Mr. Black, I'd like a word with you," Professor Cambridge said.

Sirius groaned and turned to his friends. "Go on without me," he said to them in his brave voice. Remus, James, and Peter laughed at his dramatics and headed down to the dungeons. "What is it, Professor?"

"Well firstly I'm concerned with the amount of time you spend sleeping in my class," Professor Cambridge said.

"Ah, Professor, I can explain-"

"No need. I have seen that people have been losing sleep often, especially you and your friends, and I have Seen that you will continue to lose sleep. A shocking amount of people have been sleeping in my class lately, I just wanted to be sure you were all feeling alright."

"Of course. I'm sure that's exactly why I've been falling asleep in your class."

"That's what I thought. And for another thing I wanted to warn you. I fear something bad is going to happen to you in the near future."

"Er-right. I'll keep that in mind."

"Please do, Mr. Black."

"Sure thing," Sirius said, exiting the classroom before Professor Cambridge could say anything more about her premonitions or his classroom habits. When he got to Potions, he sat down in his usual seat next to James.

"What'd Cambridge want?" James asked as Professor Slughorn explained to the class that adding sugar to the potion they were working on would disastrous results.

"Tell me I had unhealthy sleep habits and warn me of the dangers in my future," Sirius said causing James to laugh. "We should put some sugar in Snape's potion."

"Nah I have to be the good boy, remember? Head Boy, Lily's boyfriend…"

"Sure, _you_ have to be good, that doesn't mean _I _do."

"It would probably help if you were good too though. Look like I was keeping you under control and out of trouble, you know."

"You can't keep me under control, no one can. I'm independently awesome!"

Half an hour later the two boys, as well as Remus and Peter, had there potions sizzling properly when Snape walked bovver to the sink near their table.

"What do you want Snivellus?" Sirius growled.

"Nothing that concerns you," Snape replied coolly.

"Git," Sirius muttered. "Hey James ca I have a piece of that gum?"

James, who had just pulled out a pack of chewing gum, replied, "Yeah, sure, here…"

BAM!

"Mr. Potter, what did you do?" Professor Slughorn asked stepping away from the exploding potion that had covered Sirius and Snape, who had been on his way back to his seat; everyone else had gotten away from the potion in time.

"I-I-dropped the gum…"


	2. Chapter 1: Be Like That

Ch. 1: Be Like That

_If I could be like that,_

_I would give anything,_

_Just to live one day here,_

_In those shoes,_

_If I could be like that, what would I do?_

-Be Like That by Three Doors Down

So what would the most ostracized boy in Hogwarts do upon finding himself in the body of the most popular boy in school, who also happened to be his worst enemy? Yell. Really loudly.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!" Snape shouted. He also shouted some other things that are rather inappropriate for a K+ rated fic.

"Padfoot, what's up?" James asked, startled by his friends outburst.

"What did you call me?" Snape asked.

"Padfoot. You know, the nickname you've had since fifth year? But if you'd prefer, Sirius what's up?"

"I'm not your bloody Sirius!" Snape growled.

"Well then who are you?" James asked, mildly amused.

But of course Snape, being the smart guy that he was, was beginning to realize that this situation was rather advantageous to him and that no one was going to believe what Sirius said in Snape's body. "Sirius. Sorry, bit disoriented."

"Well, okay," James said cheerily. "Sorry about the potions explosion, but you did ask for it-literally. And a lot of it got on Snape too."

"Good," Snape said with sincerity, because Sirius was Snape now.

0o0

And what does the most popular guy in school do when he suddenly finds that he's suddenly the most ostracized boy in school? Yell. So loudly, you could probably hear him if you strained your ears. So loudly I heard him all the way in over here in America, though that might just have been the neighbors.

"MY SEXY BODY! IT'S GONE! WHAT IS THIS! WHAT IS THIS!" Sirius shouted, kneeling in front of the mirror in the Slytherin Boys' Dormitory. "Oh," he moaned. "My amazing hair! My perfectly amazing hair! Gone, gone…"

"What are you on about, Snape?" Domacles Belby asked, walking into the dormitory with Tiberius McLaggen.

"I'm dying!" Sirius proclaimed.

"Good," Belby said.

Sirius was about to growl at Belbyuntil he realized that he would have said the same thing. However he had to question him, "Because you're of so much greater value than me?"

"Of course I am! I'm going to invent the greatest potions ever!" Belby said with superiority.

Sirius sneered. "You know nothing about potions."

"Oh that's right, I wouldn't be anywhere if I didn't steal your ideas right?"

Sirius wasn't exactly sure what to say to that, but he was saved from answering when Bertram Aubrey came in. "Good evening, boys," he said in his almost cheery, oh-so-superior voice.

"Good evening, Aubrey," McLaggen and Belby chorused. All three boys were unreasonably fond of themselves, but Aubrey, being the most in love, was the leader. He wasn't even smart or good-looking-Sirius and James may be conceited sometimes (cough all the time cough) but they had reason to be.

"I _said _good evening Snape, I _expect_ an answer," Aubrey said threateningly.

"Go to hell, Aubrey," Sirius replied. Before Aubrey could do him any damage, Sirius left the Dormitory to find his body and demand it back.

0o0

"I'm going to eat the kitchens, want to come?" James asked the Gryffindor Boys' dormitory.

Exercising his great control, Snape didn't sneer at James' odd phrasing and refused, as did Remus and Peter. Ten minutes later, Snape pretended to have changed his mind and went off to find his body, so he could gloat.

In the dungeons, on the way to the Slytherin Common Room, Sirius and Snape met. "What is this, you bloody git? I want my perfect body back!"

"No way," Snape said. "I like things this way. I'm staying in this body until you find your way out."

"You can't do that!" Sirius shouted. "You just can't do that!"

"Of course I can," Snape said calmly. "I can and I will. What _you_ can't do is make me help you find a way out of this. And don't even think about telling people who you are, no one will believe you."

"Well then why are you so worried that I will?"

"I don't want people to think I'm crazy. Besides, I'm going to pretend to be a stuck-up prick for as long as this lasts, you can pretend you're a 'slimy git'"

"I won't!" Sirius said. " Not unless you get me out of here you freak! Do you really expect me to be _you_ until I can figure out how to get out _on my own?_ No way! No -ing way!"

"Fine. Act like I'm insane. Do whatever you want in my body. You're going to suffer the immediate consequences, not me, and you can't possibly make life _worse _for me."

"Fine! Be like that!" Sirius spat out, walking back to the Slytherin Dormitory, breaking everything possible on his way there. The only reason he didn't hurt Snape, was because he didn't want to hurt his perfect body.

"Oh, don't worry, I will," Snape said, smiling smugly as he watched Sirius retreat.

**A/n: About the eating the kitchens thing, it just seemed like something funny James would say and his friends would translate.**

**Thank you **Dvlsadvocate and TheDoomer for your reviews!


	3. Chapter 2: All Eyes on Me

**How Do I Look**

**A/n: Any wierdness is probably due to an uncooperative computer.**

Ch. 2: All Eyes on Me

_And it won't take long to burn, _

_Through the nothing that you've learned, _

_And the things you choose to be, _

_All eyes on me._

-All Eyes on Me by The Goo Goo Dolls

"You have a date with Gordy tonight in case you forgot or were planning to stand her up or something."

"I know," Snape said, turning away from the mirror to face the boy who had addressed him. "How do I look?"

"Your normal amazing self," Remus said without looking up.

Snape put his hands on his hips and pouted. He had only spent thirteen hours as Sirius, seven of them devoted to sleep, and he had already adapted quite nicely. He was particularly pleased about getting to go on Sirius' date with Gordy, the pretty Ravenclaw girl Snape had had a crush on since second year. 'You didn't even _look_ Lupin!"

Remus looked up. "My name is Remus, but if you'd prefer you may call me Moony. And why should I have to look?"

"I could have horrible acne and scars all over me!"

"But the fact is you don't, and I knew you didn't because you were looking at yourself in the mirror for about a half an hour and you didn't scream in agony."

"Well fine! I'm going to have breakfast with Gordy"

"I'd wish you luck, but I'm sure you don't need it."

"I'd accept it anyway,"

"That's okay," Remus said as Snape walked down to the Great Hall, anticipating breakfast with a girl who was looking for a body not a personality.

0o0

Sirius had only been in Snape's body for thirteen hours and he already thoroughly hated the hell he was living in twenty million times more than he did when it all started. When he returned to the Slytherin Dormitories he was assaulted by Aubrey, McLaggen, and Belby. Sirius, absolutely furious and in the worst mood of his life had figured he could take them. Of course he didn't account for the fact that Snape's wand didn't work well with his body or that Snape won duels with his wand because he didn't have much physical strength.

After being bodily harmed by three boys who were considerably bigger than him, Sirius went to go find Snape and get his wand back, but the Fat Lady wouldn't let him in. "But I have the password!" Sirius shouted angrily and desperately. "Turnips! I _know _that's right!"

"There's no need to shout young man," The Fat Lady said indignantly. "You may have the password, but you are clearly a Slytherin, your robes show that, and you're not allowed in here!"

"But I have the password! You _have_ to let me in!"

"Then the passwords changed."

"If you knew who I _was_, you'd let me in!"

"I _do_ know who you are! An annoying Slytherin boy who needs to go to sleep."

"No! No I'm NOT!" Sirius yelled and was about to go when he saw James walking out of the Portrait Hole.

"Prongs!" he said with relief.

"What do you want Snivellus? And since when did you call me Prongs?" James demanded pulling out his wand and narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"No, no, Prongs, I'm not Sna-" Sirius started by was interrupted by a red-head who probably thought she was helping.

"What are you _doing,_ James?" Lily demanded.

James instantly put down his wand and tried to look innocent. "Nothing!"

Lily crossed her arms over her chest, but all she said was, "C'mon, we have to do rounds."

"Coming," James said, following Lily after giving Sirius a funny look.

"Damn Evans!" Sirius muttered walking back to the Slytherin Dormitories. "I never liked her anyway." When he got back to the Boys' Dorm he lay in bed planning his horrible and oh-so-sweet revenge on Snape and how to get James to hear him out."

0o0

Sadly, Snape wasn't really going to breakfast with Gordy. Instead, he was going to find Sirius to get his wand back. After James came back from his Head Boy rounds with Lily saying that Snivellus had called him Prongs, Snape had set about finding and/or inventing a potion and/or spell that would prevent Sirius from recounting freakish memories that could convince James that he really was Sirius, the Freak. Of course he didn't have the greatest of luck with the spell, but he did make some headway with the potion.

When he found Sirius he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into an empty classroom. "What did you _do_ to me?"

"I really wanted to put your hair in pigtails and walk around in a skirt or something, but I don't fancy getting beat up for that. You really are a pathetic fighter, you know," Sirius said smirking. "So how do I look?"

"Awful!"

Sirius pretended to look hurt. "You don't like it? I had to take a shower in your body; do you know how disgusting that is?"

"You may not want to hurt your perfect body, but I don't care whose body you're in, I will kill you!" Snape snarled.

Sirius backed away from Snape realizing that that would be a good solution to all of Snape's problems. "All I did was wash your hair!"

"And cut it! And why are my eyes-_purple_?"

"Well _actually_ they're a lovely shade of violet."

Snape growled and Sirius backed up again against the door and put his hand on the handle. He never realized how formidable he looked when he was mad; it wasn't really all that attractive either. "Give me my wand!" Snape snarled.

"What? Why would I-oh, yeah, here," Sirius said giving Snape his wand and holding his hand out for his own. As soon as he had his wand in his hand, he turned and tried to leave.

"Not so fast!" Snape said spinning Sirius around and pointing his wand at Sirius' throat. Sirius swallowed in-fear? Fear? _He_ was scared of _Snape_? This was so wrong. "Don't even _think_ about convincing Potter or any other of your freaky friends, or I _will_ kill you."

"_I'm _not_ scared of him!" _Sirius tried to tell himself, but somehow it wasn't coming through. It really wasn't pleasant to think of himself dead while Snape lived out his life in his body. "But I'd've convinced them already."

"So I'd tell them I got back and killed you in revenge."

"You don't know enough about me."

"I'll force the memories out of you before I kill you. It might not work, but it's worth a try don't you think?"

"Alright, I'll keep my mouth shut. And I'll tell everyone someone else made me look _nice_. Take credit for it, that's what I'd do. Can I leave now?"

"Go!"

Sirius took two steps out of the room then turned around. "Why wouldn't you just kill me?" he asked before walking away.

Snape thought about that for a couple of seconds the came up with the answer. "I couldn't be Black. I couldn't be friends with Potter. I couldn't be friends with a werewolf."

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**Review Responses:**

**Thnku4thevenom: **I love to hear someone say they love my work! Thanks! Sorry it took longer than last time, but it was Easter break is over, so I have to think of school.

**Prankaholic: **Thanks for the review, I do intend to continue.

**Siriusly Viking: **Yeah, he would wouldn't he?

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You all make me feel special! Thanks so much!


	4. Chapter 3: Just a Kid

**How Do I Look?**

**Reveiw Response**

**thnku4thevenom: Here it is, nice and quickly. Enjoy!**

Ch. 3: Just a Kid

_Maybe I'm just a kid,_

_Maybe I just don't fit in…_

_Everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody,_

_Has to do something they don't wanna do,_

_Everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody,_

_Has to do something. Why's that true?_

-Just a Kid by Wilco

Snape had been waiting until after his date with Gordy to do what he had wanted to do after he saw what Sirius had done to him. It hadn't helped that Sirius had made a complete fool of him in potions class and either, though technically, that wasn't Sirius' fault-he was just awful at potions. But really, he had single-handedly chopped his potions reputation, that took _years_ (well…at least a couple of days) to establish in less than an hour!

Anyway, when he was absolutely positive that everyone was fast asleep(which may have been due to the fact that he had drugged them all earlier that night) he picked up his wand and a pair of scissors(A/n: I was under the impression that wands could cut things, but I put the scissors in there for clarification…) and marched into the bathroom with the intention of chopping something of Sirius' to bits(however wrong that sounds…) and maybe dying it a nice shade of yellow. Or green. Or perhaps violet. "How about _you _take credit for _this_," Snape muttered angrily as he randomly cut of pieces of Sirius' once perfect hair.

o0o

Severus Orion Snape was a morning person. This was a good thing because Sirius was too, and people in his dorm were accustomed to Sirius' body being up well before theirs were. As of 6:00 Wednesday morning neither Snape nor Sirius' acting skills had been tested, but Snape's were about to be. When he woke up and looked in the mirror, he had to pretend to be horrified about something he was absolutely delighted with. He put on an excellent performance though that ended with him fainting.

o0o

Sirius Sadalmelik Black was a morning person. This came in handy when he had to take up all the hot water in the entire school in his shower before anyone else could get there hands on it. But there was absolutely no way he was ever taking a shower in Snape's body ever again. It had been a horrible first experience and he wasn't keen on trying it again. Instead he dragged himself out of bed and changed with his eyes glued to the ceiling then went to the Great Hall to pace until normal people who woke up at normal times came down for breakfast.

o0o

"Mr. Black, why on Earth are you wearing a hood?" Professor McGonagall demanded.

"Bad hair day."

"Well that's no excuse, take it off!"

"I can't, Professor," Snape protested earnestly, knowing she would make him. He was not at all surprised when she took it off herself, though someone was…

Sirius, who had been glaring at his former self angrily, nearly had a heart attack when he saw his former head. His hair was electric purple with hot pink stripes-or was it hot pink with electric purple stripes?-and cut viscously cut in random places. As soon as Snape had the opportunity, he put the hood back up, but somehow he managed to make sure the whole Great Hall saw it. There had to be an art to that. Sirius was sadly unable to scream like a little girl as that would look just a little suspicious. Instead he fled the Hall hoping that made him look guilty or something.

o0o

Classes could have been worse. Of course they could have been a lot better, but they also could have been much worse. Sirius didn't have to pretend to be stupid or anything because Snape wasn't better than him in anything but Potions. Snape happened to be a lot better than Sirius at Potions, but Sirius just told Professor Slughorn he wasn't feeling well and Slughorn didn't mind because Snape was one of his "personal favorites". But despite those facts, Sirius was overjoyed that classes were over for the day and he was free to sit in a chair in front of the fire, even if it was in the Slytherin Common Room.

Sirius was haooily enjoying his moment of peace when it was rudely interrupted by someone calling his name. Well it wasn't his name it was Snape's name, and it was more of a whine than a call, but same difference. Already hating the person who had dared interrupt his almost sort of just about okay-ness, he turned around to see who it was. Then he groaned in recognition as he saw the rather bruised face of his baby brother. "What'd you do with your face, Reggie, in looks nice."

"Sirius and Potter did it,' Regulus whined, sitting in a chair next to Sirius' and pouting.

"Finally did something right," Sirius muttered. Regulus stared at him unhappily. "That really isn't attractive, Reggie."

For some reason, Regulus blushed and stopped his pouting with an effort. "Why are they always mean to me, Severus?" he asked, still whining.

"It might that they hate that _annoying _whiny voice of yours!"

"Sorry," Regulus said in a non-whiny voice.

"It also may have to do with the fact that you're an annoying, snot-nosed, stupid ass prat. But maybe it has nothing to do with that."

"Why are _you_ so mean to me Severus? I've never done anything to you!"

"Well, it's more the fact that you exist if you know what I mean," Sirius said falling back on James' fallback excuse. "Besides the above stated reasons, of course."

Regulus looked at Sirius like he was going to cry. "I try to be good for you," he said miserably. "I try to do what you ask, but you still act like I'm just some annoying two-year old you have to baby-sit. What is _wrong _with you?" Regulus demanded, crying now. After his speech he stormed up to the Boys' Dorm leaving Sirius slightly confused, but very happy to have him gone.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo0oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**A/n: Okay, later on there's going to be some mild slash, but the funny kind of weird slash, and absolutely NO action, especially seeing as Sirius is occupying the body of his brother's love. Just thought I'd let you know.**


	5. Chapter 4: Bad Day

**How Do I Look?**

Ch.4: Bad Day

_It's been a bad day, please don't take my picture,  
It's been a bad day, please  
It's been a bad day, please don't take my picture,  
It's been a bad day, please_

-Bad Day by REM

Sirius didn't see much of the Slytherin Common Room Thursday or Friday. After classes on both days he went straight to the library to find out how to fix his predicament. For hours he went through book after book on the Strengthening Solution-the potion they had been working on-but not a single one said a single thing about what happened when sugar was added to the potion. Stupid, useless books!

On Friday night when he should probably have been out with that Ravenclaw girl he was in the bloody library instead. "I've never read so much in my life!" he groaned, but he knew he had to stick to his task. The full moon was in a few days and Snape could not be in his body then.

"What are you doing?" Regulus asked, coming from out of nowhere to sit next to Sirius.

"Throwing a party," Sirius said scathingly, glaring at his baby brother.

Regulus put on his signature about-to-cry look then swallowed and said, "I could help you, you know."

Sirius opened his mouth to tell Regulus something undoubtedly horrible, but then closed it and smiled. "Yes you could."

o0o

James came bursting into the Boys' Dormitory Friday night looking rather distressed. "Padfoot!" he exclaimed. "I lost the map!"

Snape stared. He had seen the map in question earlier that week and his impression of it was that it was a wonderful piece of magic. He had been on the verge giving the Marauders credit for it because it _was_ rather amazing. He didn't know how long they had the map, but of course Potter would lose it-he would lose his feet if they weren't attached to him.

When Snape didn't say anything, James started rambling to fill up the space. "I know, it's bad, but it wasn't my fault. Well maybe a little, but not really. I was just going to the kitchens with the cloak and map and I think I must of dropped it and I retraced my steps about a billion times, but it just _wasn't _there!' he said earnestly. About two seconds after this speech, Remus came in. "Moony! I lost the map!"

"You WHAT!"

"Lost the map, but it wasn't my-"

"James Laurence Potter, you had better go _find _that map!" Remus said, pointing to the door.

"But I've already looked-"

"Look harder then!'

"I won't find it, I know I won't," James protested as he walked out of the Boys' Dormitory. He wanted to back to the kitchens anyway.

When he was gone, Remus noticed Snape. "He's an idiot," Remus said. Snape just nodded and carried on with his life.

o0o

"_One book?_ I get rid of you for two hours and you come back with one lousy book? It looks ancient! How on Earth am I supposed to read it?"

"You _found_ all the other books," Regulus whined. "Why are you so interested in the Strengthening Solution anyway? Why don't you just ask Professor Slughorn?"

"I don't want to."

Regulus sighed. "It's one o'clock in the morning. I am a little boy. Little boys should be sleeping at one o'clock in the morning, not fetching books." (**A/n**: adapted from "Drake and Josh")

"Fine. Then go to bed. See if I care."

Regulus hesitated, then left. At the door he turned around and said, "You should get some sleep."

Sirius growled, which sent him scampering. "Stupid little boy," Sirius muttered.

o0o

"So did you find it?" Remus asked when James came back late Friday night-or rather early Saturday morning.

James, who was holding various edible (supposedly) objects, stared blankly at Remus for a while. "Oh!" he said, eyes widening as he remembered. "The map, you mean? Nah, but Lily's coming with me to Hogsmeade tomorrow. What are you doing up so late anyway?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'm not tired," he said vaguely.

"Okay," James said sitting on his bed, which was next to Remus', and consuming the various edible objects in his hand. "Why aren't you tired?"

"Because I don't want to sleep."

"Oh, well that explains it."

"Good. Now let me not sleep."

James grinned. "Ah, you mean 'Let me be an insomniac in peace'."

"Exactly."

"Alright then," James said, lying down on his bed. "Goodnight."

"'Night," Remus said.

o0o

At four a.m. Sirius made his way back to the Slytherin Dormitories with a book in his hand. It happened to be the book that Regulus had found-all the other books had been highly unhelpful. Before crawling into bed, Sirius glanced at the title- Pythagoras' Potions Theories. It _was _rather old looking and hard to read. 'Well this looks promising,' Sirius thought sarcastically. 'I need a holiday.'

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**A/n: This is a really short chapter, I know, but I wanted to get it over with and I only had two ideas-the book and the map. I'm going to have fun with the next chapter, so it should be longer and more amusing.**


	6. Chapter 5: Partyin'

**How Do I Look?**

**A/n: I don't know how long Hogsmeade trips are supposed to last and when they start but in this story they're from noon to night.**

**Review Response:**

**thnku4thevenom: thnku4 being my one and only faithful reviewer.**

Ch. 5: Partyin'

_And we're partyin',_

_Party, party, party,_

_On the weekend,_

_Party, party, party_

-Wagon Fulla Pancakes Song by Homestarrunner

After two days of studying, Sirius really needed a break, so of course he was going to Hogsmeade that Saturday. Since Regulus seemed to like to tag around at his heels, all the time, Sirius let him and let him help destroy today for as many people as possible.

Sirius walked moodily up to Hogsmeade thinking of good ways to destroy people's weekend while Regulus walked beside him almost skipping and definitely humming. Sirius glared at him. "What are you humming?"

"Teenage Dirtbag," Regulus said cheerily (let's all just pretend that is a British wizard song, 'kay?).

"That suits you," Sirius muttered.

"Helloooo, Snivellus," a voice behind them said. Sirius turned around and saw the smirking face of-him really.

"What do _you_ want, Black?" Sirius asked, feeling a little odd calling someone by his own last name. Next to him the smile was fading off of Regulus' face.

"His name is Severus!" he said angrily, stepping forward. He was trying to look threatening but he just made Sirius and James laugh. Lily, who was walking with the two boys glared at them reproachfully.

"C'mon boys," she said. "Let's go."

"Why?" Snipe asked, his eyes dancing with delight. "Don't you enjoy the company of these lovely boys, Lily?"

"C'mon, Regulus," Sirius muttered trying to pull his brother away, but Regulus wouldn't move. He stood there with his hand in his pocket glaring at what he thought was his older brother, who was smiling cruelly at him. In the next second Regulus was running away and Snape was on the ground moaning. James started to go after him, but Lily held him back. Sirius hesitated then ran after Regulus himself. When he caught up with him, Sirius looked at his brother with pride-sure he thought he was hexing Sirius, but he was _doing_ something for once. "Good job, kid."

Regulus shrugged. "Thanks…"

"What spell did you use?"

"I don't know," Regulus said. "I think I did it wrong."

Sirius smiled a little. "C'mon, kid, let's go get something at Three Broomsticks."

Regulus nodded and followed his brother.

o0o

"What hex did the twerp _use_?" Snape demanded as he got up. "I don't think it _exists_."

"You all right, Pad?" James asked.

"Fine," Snape muttered.

"So, you don't mind if Lily hangs out with us, do you?"

Snape glared at Lily. "No, of course not," he said.

James was apparently unaware of the tension around him, smiled cheerily. "Great!"

"Hello, Potter, Black-Evans," a familiar voice said, speaking Lily's name with particular distaste. Bertram Aubrey, along with Tiberius McLaggen and Domacles Belby approached Lily, James, and Snape with a cruel smile similar to the one Snape had been wearing earlier.

"Aubrey, Belby, McLaggen," James replied coolly. "What do you want?"

"Just saying hello, Potter, something wrong with that?"

"No of course not. As long as _you're _not saying it."

"Because my greetings are different from everyone else's?"

'No, because _anything_ you have to say I don't want to hear."

Aubrey raised his eyebrows and pulled out his wand. Before he could say anything though, Snape cursed him. James stared at Aubrey for a few seconds then started laughing so hard he fell to the ground and lily grinned appreciatively. Snape smiled proudly as McLaggen and Belby ran off. "Now you have something to brag about, Aubrey," Snape said. "The biggest head in the world."

o0o

At eight o'clock Sirius and Regulus were walking down one of the paths in Hogsmeade and this time Sirius was humming "Teenage Dirtbag" which Regulus had effectively stuck in his head. So far they had pushed three people in the lake, made five people climb to the top of Three Broomsticks, and generally wrecked havoc all over. Oddly enough, Sirius was almost happy. But he had one more thing to do so that he could be satisfied.

o0o

"Mr. Black, Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out.

"Yes, Professor?" Snape asked.

"Belby and McLaggen just came to me with the story that you two boys exploded Aubrey's head!"

"Now where would they get a story like that from?" James asked innocently.

"I _believe_, Mr. Potter that this story is non-fictional considering that I have seen Mr. Aubrey's head. Now, come with me to my office. Now!"

"Yes, Professor," the boys chorused.

o0o

"Alright, Regulus, just one more mission to accomplish."

"What's that?" Regulus asked happily. He was having the time of his life currently-nothing he had ever done before was this exciting, and he was doing it with Snape.

"Come along and you'll see," Sirius said, smiling, happy himself, and leading Regulus down a path to Madam Puddifoots.

Regulus narrowed his eyes. "Why are we going _there_," he asked.

"_Because_," Sirius explained not too patiently. "This is around the time all the lovely couples are sitting there waiting to have there day destroyed."

"Oh!" Regulus said. "Okay then."

So the two boys walked up to the building. Sirius grinned widely and took out his wand. Regulus watched happily as Sirius muttered a curse and the power in the building went out. He could hear girls screaming and boys swearing and one person yelling rather loudly about rubber ducks. Regulus and Sirius held back there laughter and looked at each other. "Pettigrew!" they said at the same time before running away.

They came to a stop right by the lake when Regulus tripped. Sirius automatically reached out to prevent Regulus from falling. Regulus ended up falling into Sirius arms and looking up at him. "You're eyes look really nice that way," Regulus said leaning upwards.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo0oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**A/n: Sorry this is "fresh off the press", like some of my other chapters. I've been editing them and I'll replace them mistake free-relatively-later. See you.**


	7. Chapter 6: Turned Around

Ch. 6: Turned Around

_I'm so tired and turned around and scared  
I'm lying in empty beds again  
Away from you_

-Anywhere but Here by Rise Against

Four boys, one of them soaking wet, sat in Professor McGonagall's office. "Once again, Potter and Black, you have ashamed me. Mr. Aubrey is currently in the Hospital Wing, his head twice it's normal size"

"That's what I was trying to do!"

"Excuse me?"

Regulus, who was dripping from head to toe, blushed and said, "Nothing. Carry on."

"I have two witnesses claim you're to blame for Mr. Aubrey's predicament. What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"Sorry, Professor," Snape and James chorused.

"I should hope so. And you two," she said, rounding on Sirius and Regulus. You have almost caused more trouble than is believable. Why, you've outdone Potter and Black!" James scowled at this, and Regulus grinned proudly. "It's not funny, Mr. Black."

"I'm not laughing," Snape replied.

"I was addressing your brother and I believe you were aware of that, Sirius Sadalmelik Black."

Snape smirked. "Yes ma'am."

"Double detention for all four of you," Professor McGonagall continued. "Black and Snape I will be informing Slughorn of your behavior."

"Yes ma'am," chorused Regulus and Sirius.

"Good, you may go."

The four boys got up and quickly scattered. James headed up to the Gryffindor dormitory, Regulus down to Slytherin, and Sirius and Snape wandered off in no particular direction. Sirius found himself in a random corridor in the dungeons when he heard a giggle. Turning around he was shocked to find it was Snape. Was it possible for Snape to laugh, let alone giggle, without another person's pain being involved? "What's got you in such a good mood?" Sirius growled.

Snape shrugged. "Life."

Sirius stared. "You sound like an optimist."

For a moment Snape looked horrified. "No, I'm not!"

"Whatever."

"So how was your day?"

"Okay, are you on drugs or something? You're acting like you're my friend or something. Anyway, my day was going fine until my brother kissed me!"

Snape stopped walking and stood stunned in the middle of the hallway. Then a disgusted look slowly began to creep across his face. "What did you do?"

"I told him to jump in the lake," Sirius said, stopping and turning around to face Snape.

"Ah. I was wondering why he was so wet."

"I didn't even think he could swim."

"He can't."

"Oh. I hate him."

"Me too. With the white hot intensity of a thousand suns."

"A passion bright enough to burn down the world."

"And put Hell out of business."

"I hate you to. More than him."

"My hate for you could move mountains," Snape said.

"Sure, sure, grand. So how was your day?" Sirius asked like somebody's mother.

"Oh, not bad, not bad at all."

"What was all that with Bertram Aubrey?"

"A simple inflation charm on his head. I don't know how your brother messed that up so badly."

"He's Regulus. Does he need an excuse?"

"No. But guess what."

"What?" Sirius asked in mock excitement.

"Since I'm you, there's one thing I haven't done that I should."

Sirius looked at him suspiciously. "What's that?"

Snape grinned ruthlessly. "Torture Snivellus."

Sirius' eyes widened. "No."

"Yes."

"No," Sirius said, trying to back away but finding his back pressed against the wall.

"Oh yes," Snape said smiling evilly and pulling out his wand. "_Crucio_."

Sirius' scream echoed through the empty halls. Snape walked away as Sirius moaned on the cold hard floor, rolling around in pain. When the effects of the spell wore off, Sirius sat up against the wall and moaned. After a while his moans became sobs and in no time at all he was crying outright. Snape had been giggling and acting all around like he was on drugs and Sirius was sitting on the dungeon floor and crying his heart out. He was so turned around and hurt and frightened he found himself speaking a word he hadn't used since he was three. "Mommy."

**A/n: Okay, this was a filler chapter, so I know it was short and not that good, but I have a lack of inspiration at the moment, and I need a lot for all the writing I've signed myself up for-figuratively you know.**

**Review Response:**

**Thnku4thevenom: Thank you so much for being my faithful reviewer. With my inspiration dwindling, you're pretty much what keeps me writing this. I know that sounds overly sentimental, but oh well.**


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